Dead But Existing

I have this strange feeling.

Well it’s not a feeling.

Not really.

Although I find myself confused.

Is confused a feeling? I forget. I forget so much.

I search for something

of my life. What was my life?

It not knowing hell itself?

I find nothing. Some tattered ladies clothes.

They fit-or rather they fit my hollow shell.

Is that not what I am? Hollow? I keep hearing

that from others. I’m told to stay whole. Or not to go

Hollow.

How odd. How odd a thing to say. I am and yet I am

Not.

There is a knight by a fire.

He seems quite content in his self defeat.

I would ask of him but he’s silent much.

I have so many questions. One’s he could not answer.

I feel dejected. Or I would if I could feel.

I think more than feel I sense. Yes. That’s better.

There was a rather bearded man, a blacksmith

In the forest.

He seemed like one to talk.

Or rather he seemed like one who had

stories to tell.

But he was not telling.

He’d say “You seem to be doing alright.”

How can I be doing alright

When I’m dead but not dead?

Oh how silly that must sound!

I tire. Sleep- no peace. Sleep is for

the living. So it’s peace I seek. For now.

A new day may bring clarity.

But I doubt it. A new day just brings more

Of the same.

Perhaps that is the hell

I was destined for? Maybe?

Oh who knows.

This week on Gamespot- 10 years ago

So stig says to me “why dontca write something on Fuse?” I said “what the fuck for. You know I have a love/hate relationship with the site”.

Yeah he knows.

There are close 7 weeks until Christmas. In the Holiday season there are 7 different celebrations so I rather detest talking only of Christmas while ignoring the others. That is what seems to get all the focus.

Since we are now a greed driven society I got used to hearing what other want FOR Christmas long ago. Never what they want to give others or of how they do not want gifts but rather a donation, in their names, to a charity.

Did The Little Drummer Boy ask for anything?

As I recall it was this week, 10 years ago on GS that someone asked the very popular question “What games do you want for Christmas?” That was 2011- close the fall of GS,

Now that question is fine. There is nothing wrong with “wanting” in this respect but that also has to imply equal giving. To take but not to give is a trait, learned or not, that is rather negative. And wow! Did the site ever reply to this. (I was one of them!)

The question can be rather daunting for many. It assumes that the gamer, be they pre teen, teen or older HAS a Mother or Father to get them gifts. Or a “rich old Uncle or Aunt”. It may imply that there is a sibling involved. There may be title one would not be comfortable asking a parent for but would have no issue asking a sibling for.

It was a question of greed. It never took into consideration those that had no one. They may be an only child. They may have no Mother or Father. Then again they could have lost their last parent this year and this holiday will be hard on them. That was something GS never thought of.

The replies mainly involved the PS3, the DS, the PSP and the GC. There were a few of requests for PS2 and Microcrap games.The PC community was all but ignored.

We now face the holiday season of 2021. Seven weeks until the flight of Santa and there is not a game I can’t think of a game I WOULD want. Maybe the Nier remake. I don’t want no COD crap, no Assassin’s Creed crap. no Battlefield crap and no Souls crap. Really? Is there ever any innovation on those titles? No. Even Co-op COD is dead.

10 years ago we knew the impending doom of GS. We were awaiting the inevitable. The good days were almost over. Features were being cut. Editors and writers were leaving and the “fun” of the site was slowly dying -much like Woody Guthrie”s “The Dying Miner”.

I did not see this question in 2012 and I was still there. The Games of the 2012 Christmas season were excellent though- perhaps far better than those of 2010 and 2011. There was anticipation but no asking for a list.

Skyrim came out on 11/11/11. It’s soon 11/11/21. Does anyone really care about a new Elder Scrolls release or when it may be? No. It’s been 10 years and, like the lists that were submitted long ago , we aren’t getting what we asked for.

I’ve attached “The Dying Miner” as I doubt any ever heard of it. And no it’s not a Christmas song so screw that.

Saturday Night Oldies with Big Cid–Remembering Charlie Watts

Good Day,

I’m quite aware that it is Tuesday and not Saturday. The tragic event of today would not let me wait until Saturday. i’m seldom this moved to do a midweek presentation no matter the event in the musical world however there are times when the shock is just too much for me. This is one of those times.

As I read this morning of the passing of Charlie Watts, the drummer for The Rolling Stones I’m left with a sense of loss. Not only do the Stones now have no bassist but they have no drummer.

I’m old enough to remember music before any “British Invasion”. I have the first 45 The Rolling Stones issued in the states. “Tell Me (You’re Coming Back to Me) I’ve seen them live over 40 years ago!

I know that The Rolling Stones were not ONLY “The Worlds’s greatest Rock and Roll Band” but they were also the best of all of the British Invasion Bands.

Herman’s Hermits, Gerry and The Pacemakers, The Who, Billy J Kramer and the Dakotas, The Beatles, The Dave Clark Five…..none were as good as The Rolling Stones!! What made them great was the rhythm section of Watts and Wyman. No other band could boast that and no other could compare.

And they are touring THIS YEAR!! 60 years after being formed as a band by Brian Jones.

Now half of that duo has passed on. Charlie has been silenced. Bill has quit the band for reasons I never did understand. ( I never wished to read his book “A Stone Alone” explaining why!)

As for their first US Single it is also one of their best songs ever. (and prob. one many never heard!)

Notice how the singers are singing in different keys? Or how the harmonic dissonance makes this work?Also notice what Charlie and Bill brought to this to drive this hit home.

But no more.

(As an aside in this post, done alone without Robert of Kimberly, I’m not focusing so much on the popularity of a song but rather Charlie’s drumming and the rhythm section altogether. There will be a better time to celebrate the hits of the band. This is also presented with no interruptions–Cid)

We come to an end of this tribute to Charlie Watts and really the rhythm section that was Charlie and Bill Wyman for so long. It may be fitting to includes “Start me Up”, one of the best drumming efforts of Charlie, And yet it seems to be in bad taste to do so. And while “The Last Time” would seem to be a good outro I have chosen something else as that too hit a bit close being disrespectful.

Many of you may not be Stone’s fans. I understand that. And yet I can’t let this moment go without this oldie post.

RIP Charlie

—Cid out

Outro—-

Games and I are Almost Over

Good Day,

I find it very hard to care about games anymore. That is I do not look forward to many new releases on systems I have. I also have no desire to purchase any “new gen” system. Nothing of either “New Gen” impresses me to make me want to spend $500+. Games should excite, thrill, offer challenge and be interesting.

Games just aren’t interesting anymore and I never thought I’d say that!

But I’m 64. Maybe it’s time to put my past in check and dedicate the time I have left to other issues, causes and reads? Maybe games are just uninspiring? Perhaps I’ve aged too much and became jaded? Maybe the industry has passed me by with little to no care?

I suspect it’s a bit of each! Konami and Capcom are boring. Activision and Blizzard are so mired in mixed signals they cannot find their souls anymore. So lost in brand recognition are they few truly care about another Diablo or even when it comes out. I know I don’t.

There are others. I don’t need another ‘”souls” clone. I want-no demand- originality that speaks to me and causes me to become lost in it. I want to give myself to a game but I find them blaze.

For instance, I bought Shim Megami Tensei III: Nocturne when it came out. I had it date of release and began it immediately. Shortly after I crossed the bridge to a new area I lost interest as I was getting a battle event 4 steps. It was like playing Final Fantasy 1 or Dragon Quest on the NES-but far worse. That did not bother me when I played it for PS2. Now the games sits gathering dust.

I received Neo: The World Ends With You on day of release, Oh how I was looking forward to this. Did it have Neku and Shiki? Was the Coffee Shop in it? Were there pins like before? Would we be dead and would we have to make a “pact”? Most importantly was the music cutting edge. Was it the classic mixture of Goth, Punk, Pock, KPop, JPop, Techno and Trance that kept me playing in 2009? Was this to be a new “cult hit” as the old one USED to be?

Well—….I’m on Day 4 and I’m TRYING to like it. I really am but I just can’t get into this. It’s not the same. The music is terrible. Oh they tried- here and there-and there are times we can convince ourselves it is as good as before–but that is an illusion. Yes there are pins but given the lack of tapping a screen with a stylus it does not feel the same. Square –and Nintendo have popularized the old game so much this can never be a “cult classic”. I love the characters but they are not Shiki and Neku. The game also offers some improvements over the old. I leave them for you to find out.

I do not know what comes out this year. Or what it comes out on, when it releases, or who of renown made it. I just do not care.

The answer is not to “go back and play some old games”. I’m past that as well. It’s like going back and rereading a book we loved over and over again until one day it just loses it’s meaning altogether. Repetition does that. Look at a sunrise day after day and it just becomes 6 AM. PSPlus gave me the FFVII remake and I have no desire to install it much less play it.

I think the industry I loved no longer exists. I am but a behemoth in a world of jackals and leopards. I have been left behind and yet–did I let myself get to be that way? Maybe I did and if so, then why? It’s quite possible the seclusion of COVID had a hand in that as well.

So I digress. Something I loved no longer holds interest for me. In fact this new World Ends With You feels like a cell phone game and they are not games to me no matter how successful they are. Why are birds flying around so angry? Are there also pissed off birds? Or melancholy birds.? I’ve no idea as I’ve never played that rubbish. I’d rather play “Lemmings” .

I do not mean to spoil your fun and how you see games but I fear we no longer share the same enthusiasm.

–Cid Out

Regarding 2020

Regarding 2020

I think what we learned about the human heart and spirit is important. We saw the human condition ripped apart of its seams. So much of what we took for granted we now were forced to live without.

There was a loss of community-and of being part of one.

It taught us what we could live with. What we had to live without and what we did not need. It reassigned our priorities and our convictions.

Some goodbyes were last goodbyes.

It showed that in Paris, Prague, London. New York, and LA, that on a clear day you COULD see forever. If only corporate greed did not make that impossible. We saw nature reclaim what was always hers.

So many could not be there as loved ones passed on. There was no holding of hands or hearing a last gasp. There were phone calls from remote locations. There was no viewing of the body–the 2020 plague allowed for no closure for so many. Bodies could not be buried for that would release this when so many efforts were being used to contain it.

Maybe we learned that we should say what we never did before instead of keeping our feelings quiet. To celebrate life and put issues aside. Apologize instead of letting old feelings stew.

I think we learned to say “I love You” far more often than before because tomorrow offers no guarantees and the plague was indiscriminate. Does one truly know the depths of sadness and sorrow another may feel and how those 3 words may change that persons psyche and being?

We learned that despair can lead to grief and depression rather quickly. The 2020 Plague was-and remains a major trauma.

We watched Doctors, nurses and care giving staff try to fight–try to contain something they did not understand and were ill equipped to handle. We prayed for them. Many have died because they did what they were trained to.

We learned there are “essential” workers and “disposable” workers. Even in the highest levels of a hierarchy. People become discardable commodities–or were they always seen as that by corporations and employers?

We were told we had to live as an island, isolated, quarantined and remote. We were told that after a life of being told otherwise. That people need people. Was it not John Donne that penned “No Man is an Island” in 1624? And while Paul Simon may have tried to rebuke that saying “he was a rock/he was an island-“and an island never cries” I found the collective human experience crying more than I ever thought it would last year.

Please remember that even in Despair, Hope can be found.

Maybe 2021 is a year for hope?

–Big Cid (C) 2020 Posted by author for personal use. May not be reproduced or published without consent of Alexis Zinovenko.

The Reviews for Saturday Night Oldies with Big Cid are in–and they are Phenomenal!

before I begin know that I am referring to the recent post of Ricky Nelson Music found here-

Saturday Night Oldies with Big Cid-Ricky Nelson on Imperial; a Retrospective of a Legend.

I seldom brag about my show; my posts but I truly love this show and so do many others. Today. Tuesday saw the most activity for it since the day it was released. That is because word of mouth about this is getting around. I see 3 here-and a guest have liked it. I’m not sure if any listened to it as it was meant to be listened to of the Fusers were have- many others have though.

I’m also not sure if any pending comment on the program are waiting for approval. but that is fine if they were declined.

To sum up my feelings on it I posted this on FB today regarding the show ( I have a private account!)

“I no longer share of myself here. I no longer post my poetry or my prose for a fb audience. Some general thoughts get put out as a lead in to a story by a news agency but that is as far as it goes.I

find it devastating and disheartening. The blood, tears and sweat I put into a poem or a prose writing is wasted posting it here where 14 out of 155 friends see it. A failure of technology far as I’m concerned. I write FOR others and others-at least here- never see it or never appreciate it. Fb is brutal for artists. Twitter and IG by nature can be boon for an artist no matter how they are an artist.

So it is with deep regret and hesitation that I share my “Saturday Night Oldies with Bid Cid” here.

I’m sharing it because in 10 years of doing these on different networks I’ve never been so personal in a broadcast. Never. I am to entertain- or present music that entertains and not speak of myself and of tears I sometimes endure.

But I can’t—….I can’t…I love Ricky Nelson far too much to do a disservice to him, his memory and his music. I can’t be as a moderator when it affects me so deeply. I have to write of my heart and let the blood flow where ever it will.

For new listeners one is to read me, listen and continue to do so. This is not a “pick and choose to hear my faves only”. After that is done if it is liked make a playlist of it. (Although you will be missing my excellent dialogue-which I write myself each week!!! Think on that. Impromtu script writing weekly!) So one has to bear with as this is like a radio post but in text and videos.

Those that take the time to listen to Ricky and to read of me , Thank You. Thanks to the 18 that saw this and the ones tagged that I thought may care but may have missed this. It’s rough;y 40 minutes long.

–Cid out”

I think that speaks the truth of me as best as i can relate it. However I’m sharing some compliments that this show got from twitter, email, Similar Worlds and fb itself. While many here may not appreciate Ricky he is widely loved and this homage to his music is just phenomenal.

I listened to the entire show 8 times. I never do that. And I read myself each time as i did-each time finding something new to move me in some way, I sat as each song played in it;s entirely and when it ended–I cried with the exact same words I wrote. Words that should not move me.

The reviews—

“This is pretty cool.” —twitter

“Thanks for showing me this.”–twitter

“Oh, that’s a poignant ending.“–twitter

“I read the entire thing, and have it bookmarked on my InterWebz Searcher Device to go back to it.”–twitter

“

Thanks for the link, I’ll check it out. Hope all is well in your world. Always liked Ricky Nelson.

“
Peaches · F
Great job! I never realized he died on New Year’s eve. He was only 45…so sad! Wonder where he would be today? I really like the one he did by Hank Williams. I would have left a comment there, but I’m not ready to take on another website at this point. Take care of yourself….I need to get over your way and check out some of your stories. HUGS—From Similar Worlds

“Ricky Nelson!  Who knew? Enjoyed reading this thanks!–from email….

There are more but you get the idea. People loved this a lot as many feel as I do in many ways. It may not have been the hit I expected on fuse or even WP but it was one outside of the network.

I replied to one that loved it —“Seldom, in 10 years of doing these have I ever got so personal. This was more of a love letter to the audience and myself than a homage to Ricky.”

Seldom, in 64 years have I been able to continually move myself so much in what I wrote and how I wrote it.

—Cid Out

What if They Made A Console and No One Cared; inside the lonely life of a reluctant PS3 gamer.

I rather detest writing this. Really do. My goal was to write one editorial per week with the hopes to entertain, educate and inform. That was accomplished earlier in the week with a post that spoke of neglected gods, news that never get reported and more. Yet here I am when I should be catching up on the multitude of books I have waiting for me.

If you had read my last column I spoke of the changes soon coming to the PS3, PSP and PS Vita store. I see this as stupidity on SONY’s part. If you missed it I spoke of Jim Ryan and SCEA, (the division that oversees SEL) and how SONY is shutting sown the PS3 and PSP store. The expense SONY will save over a year, 5 or even 10 tears is minimal. This is a move that serves no one yet spites many.

I turned on my PS3 this week. The first time in a long time. How long you may ask? Let’s just say I played ( or loaded) SIXTY-FOUR games into my PS4 since I had a trophy on my PS3. That long!!! Skyrim was the last to see a trophy on the console. I was amazed at this number-no–shocked is a better word. How could that be when I loved my PS3??? Imagine the neglect it felt….

I was close to tears as I looked back at the control bar and started to rediscover all I had there. All that I COULD not have on my PS4. Songs by The Killers, (“Here With You” for one.) Nat King Cole, Dion and The Belmonts and Francoise Hardy.. You can’t do that with a PS4. Even “Big Iron” the Marty Robbins classic from Fallout: New Vegas was there.

Then there were the pics. Some sent by friends of my son, other saved over the internet by me. Each having some sort of value. So many I had forgotten about. Next was the shows and movies we had downloaded. Some of them one cannot even rent anymore. The Walking Dead episodes, a Bleach movie and more.

When did functionality leave SONY consoles??

Then came the games, the free ones and the ones we paid for. So many of those I had forgot about as well. I sought out Saints Row The Third as I wanted to get a trophy on my PS3 just to piss my PS4 off. I got two. Besides, I love that game.

Seeing PS LIfe, the virtual study we could take place in was one thing but seeing PS Home- a place I loved as much as any game was hard. It was social media when social media was in it’s infancy. All the cool stuff we bought- to wear or decorate with-gone. MS never had this. MS is not classy enough. Nintendo did do something close but it never caught on. I am referring to the Nintendo World program. on the WiiU.

I played that system for three days. In three days time not a single friend came on to it in my circle! I was the only one online. Of course they could have been playing and remained off line but with all PS players now having to have PS + that seems remote. I did see @nightcrawlerash on for second and then she was gone. She was the only sign of life I saw. I sent her a message. I was never replied to. I was not surprised.

Today, Saturday I went back to the PS4. I wanted to see my PS3 trophies represented. However one had to accept the new system update from SONY. In the old days of Fuse the update did would be posted. I can say that while there are improvements the “Communities” tab and section is gone. I rather liked communities.

What if they made a console and no one cared? Why do more care about a PS1 or PS2 more? Do we shun older technology that quickly? Are gamers that fickle?

I think I prefer consoles best when they had no “friends online” icon.

–Cid, the lonely PS3 gamer

When speaking of the Persona Series in my last column I forgot to mention that May 25th is the release date for the newly HD Remastered version of Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturine for the PS4. The game was originally a PS2 game with a Devil May Cry character in. The below link will give the reader more info.

https://atlus.com/smt3/

Lastly, for those that never thought PS Home never meant much to the PS community I leave you with the last few minutes of that wonderful escape–as only PS3 gamers could remember it. You know..the forgotten and invisible ones that were cancelled.

As the Years Go By

Yesterday, Friday the 12th of March, 2021 I had my second COVID shot at 6:20. How do I feel now at almost 1 AM? Not to bad but I hear the second dose is far worse than the first. It’s LESS worst for those with a WEAKER immune system. I feel a tightness in my right arm–much like last shot but so far no ill side effects. The pharmacist told me I’d have to wait 20 minutes after my shot to see if I had a reaction-same as last time—and she told me the time it was. . 22 minutes later she comes out and asked how I am . I tell her “I’m just sitting here “getting Jiggy Wit’ it””. She says ” Alexis I believe you are OK to go”. I laugh and thank her.

I’m not waiting to see if I wake up Ill. I was part of the 1A group as I am the founder and president of an LGBTQIA+ Support Community and I counsel people, Am I 65? No, I’m 64.

In fact my birthday was the day before. Thursday the 11th of March. I was not the age The Beatles sang of (64) yet only one lived long enough to SEE 64!

Will You still need me? No one needs me.

Will You still feed me? No one fed me. So the answer to that dumb song is NO!

It’s odd. Last year when I was 63 it was an emotional day from hell. I think I cried most of the day. I just wanted someone-anyone- to know I existed and tell me that I mattered. I felt forgotten-neglected. What did 63 affect em that way? I think I know but to tell it here is not something I desire not to do. (and no this had nothing to with cheating whore ex) But 64–and the events surrounding it were far better and I felt love that I lacked last year. I felt “seen” .

And I STILL look 19! Mata’s friend in another country can vouch for that!

My son got me Y’s VIII and a large Pizza for my birthday. And no I do not want to hear a damn thing about it or I’m coming to have words with any.. Female style with 4 inch heels .

One of m many girlfriends bought me lunch today for my bday. I love that woman. She was in The Vagina Monologues with me in Feb. 2018 we both had solo Monologues. She did “My Angry Vagina”. I did ” They Beat the Girl Out of my Boy…..or they Tried”. We were awesome. So seeing her again was sweet and endearing.

Game wise I see nothing coming out soon that is of note. Skyforge for the Switch but that may be out now. Aksys has some Switch titles releasing as well. I love what they are doing whether I can play it or not.

Well ,boys and girls my 64 year old feminine ass that looks 19 is going upstairs to read for the night.

I’ hoping I do not wake in the AM ill and with aches where they weren’t when I went to sleep.

Night Nite, Kiddies.

Free Game on GOG

Get this @satoed2 and @rheinmetall1.

Scroll down to find game!!

https://www.gog.com/

And the 2020 Fallout 76 Award for Most Crappy Game goes to……

I have been discontent with the gaming industry since 2013. It would be easy for me to think that my lack of interest in gaming ties in my leaving GS . After all what we had in 2006-2011 was a great home to go to and some of us had friends that truly cared about and for us as people. The “people ” aspect of the old GS is what made it special.

It could also be argued that I’m past my prime-and I am- and that many my age have long left gaming behind and I’m finally starting to catch up to those that have. Perhaps my jaded opinion comes from age? Only I can answer that just as only you can answer for yourself. Why would a 63 year old woman come to a gaming site and write of games when she could be doing something else? Like making out her will?

I believe the reason for my discontent is that the majority of games JUST AREN’T FUN ANYMORE! And every year it gets worse. Every year there are fewer titles I care about.

Most lack imagination. Others lack planning and preparation. Dialogue choices, voice acting, layout, level design and originality have made the gaming industry mediocre at best. And I’m not willing to accept that!

It was mediocrity that caused me to create this award two years ago when the cleusterfuck that was Fallout 76 hit the market. There is no defending Bethesda on this. The game is just pure garbage.

Last year it was close with Borderland 3 and The Outer Worlds both up for the award. Both had great expectations and both were a letdown. Granted The Outer Worlds looked cool-until you got tired of seeing the same old landscape and Borderlands 3 was a great improvement on gun shooting and handling. Borderlands has the same landscape issue but in the end Borderlands 3 won the award. Long and involved DLC COULD save The Outer Worlds ( and it won’t) but it would never save Borderlands 3.

And that leads us to this years winner. Now to tell the truth most of this years title have been rubbish; weak, uninspired and done in a lazy manner. The Surge 2 was a stand out game! Nioh 2 had it’s fans as did the “Ori” game.

But what was crap? What was so anticipated that it was garbage upon release? What was the title that brought out the most anger in gamers and deserves to be shelved.

Ladies and gentlemen the winner of the 2020 Fallout 76 award is…….

Cyberpunk 2077.

The hatred that PS4 users have shown this game in less than 10 days is astounding. A game that many have waited 3 years for fails to deliver on a system it was originally designed for. This is the first true flop for CD Project Red and they are clueless as to what to do about it. I do not see anything coming from them. Crytek could fix this disaster faster than Project red will.

Not only did they intentionally make it a shorter games than the stellar Witcher 3 but they switched gears in design and began designing it with the PS5 in mind. Thus we have an non compatible garbage for the PS4.

You’ve all read about PS4 users demanding their money back–as with Fallout 76- so much so that SONY removed it form the PS store for the PS4.

There it is….the 202O Fallout 76 Award Winner of this Year.

And I’m as stunned as you are.

All of a sudden The Outer Worlds DLC sounds rather good.

Just Cause

I never played Just Cause Now that is an odd thing to say given the title. It means I never played the Just Cause game for the PS2 and I have no desire to much less a desire to seek it out. Please remember I never had a PS2. Then. Now I do but that is only because it is used- as is the controller and memory card. Nothing about this system speaks “mine!”

In the first third of the PS3 life Just Cause 2 came out and I HAD TO HAVE IT! I was sold on it just form the two videos SE and Avalanche Studios put out! I NEEDED this.I am as much an Action gamer as I am an RPG or Hack and Slash gamer. I need that release that a GOOD action game can delivered and Just Cause 2 seemed to be a good Action game. Pointless destruction I definitely needed in my life.

I paid the extra 99 cents for Amazon to deliver that to on “day of release” Anyone remember when that was a thing? That was at a time when Prime was only for rich people and preppies. Tech heads that needed it for no reason. I could not wait to get into this!

I loved it. I may love it best of all as it had so much Just Cause 3 and 4 are lacking-namely FUN! Just Cause was FUN! It met the standards of WHAT a game should be!! Rico Rodriquez was awesome as a hero and character and the informant we all loved to hate, Sheldon was great in that title as well. There was even a whorehouse in the sky! how awesome is that! Of course the chapter that is in is a rather cool shootout! It was not the kind of game that defined SE or even Avalanche -and the 8’s it was rated MAY have been a tad overly much –but it was addictive as well as fun! There was some great discovery in that game as well.

Then Came Just Cause 3 and it was hated by those of us that loved the previous game. The fun was gone. Now we had to rely on being super good at challenges to advance our gear, weapons, methods of travel and more.. Not only that the things that made boats, cycles and cars coll was locked UNTIL we gained so any gears in challenges. Rico was still cool and the movement of it was great

And it had some redeeming valises then but we would not know of them until Just Cause 4 for the PS4. Knowing WHAT we had to do in a town for it to be 100% ours was a nice touch and the radio as Towns were captured was humorous. DeRavillo was a villain that was east to hate. Finding tombs, tapes and more made the exploration fun and the middleware use was great. Just like in Just Cause 2 it FELT like an island. (or islands) If you wanted carnage this was OK but challenges forced to waste most of our time.

Now Just Cause 4 is free in the US on the PS4. Of course I got it and what are my standards-what am I comparing it to?? Just Cause 2 as I want more. And–( and no tell) me but I hear the whorehouse in the sky is also in this as well!! I know there are some cool Easter Eggs in it but I hardly ever find them.

and I have no idea what the studio or SE were thinking with this as it has no rhyme or reason. It just exists. It’s as if it’s incomplete parts and many designs that are not that great! This game is more about conquering than exploring Medeci or the JC 2 lands. It has feats AND challenges and the feats are dumb! They mean nothing unless they are tied to an in game reward. I miss the garages in JC3 where I could unlock Cars, Cycles, Planes,. tractors, (Yes, farm tractors) and boats. Maybe they are there but I am not far enough in it. Just Cause 3 is starting to look like a near masterpiece compared to Just Cause 4 and JC2 IS the Masterpiece. Just Cause 4, for those of us old enough to remember the excitement surrounding Just Cause 2 is a disappointment.

If one does not remember that they may find the game fun. Rico, and unfortunately, Sheldon are still present. And Rico does seems to move a bit better but not always.

I have seem that Far Cry has adapted itself more to the Just Cause style of play and has abandoned some of what the original Far Cry and the Wii version interesting .

I really WANT to like Just Cause 4. So far—-I can’t.

And I hate that!

The Urge To Run

  The darkness scares me. I don’t understand why, but I just hate it. It frightens me like nothing else. I’ve never felt this way all the time, not until I was 12 I think. It was a voice, basking for breath like it was suffocating in there. Ever since then, it began to progress: first a figure, it moving from each corner, then those faces. It’s never the same. It’s always different, frightening and distorted. It’s been years since the last time I left the lights off. 

My heart races whenever I see a dark corner, it’s just a void to me that I never want to see. An abyss with so many creatures that peer through. My doctor says it’s just a mental scar that was left on myself by my own imagination. I was given these pills but they don’t work. They just make them clearer. Those teeth…

The power went out the other day. It felt almost set up. They surrounded me on the coach as I was reading. They just stared at me. Just stared. No humming from the electricity in the building anymore, just pure deafening silence. No eye either. No fucking eyes. Then they started breathing. All I could do is close my eyes and wait the three hours until the lights came back on. 

Art by: Trevor

Hubby Review – Nirvana: Bleach

I fucking love Nirvana, I listen to them all the time, I play guitar and Kurt Cobain is one of my biggest influences both as an artist and as a person, he was arguably the coolest frontman in rock since Jim Morrison. In Utero is one of my favorite albums of all time and they have a shit ton of songs that I adore and listen to constantly. I love Kurt’s ability to make punk music and yet make it extremely catchy and accessible, let’s just say there’s a reason they got so big. Yet, that wasn’t always the case, and that brings me to the subject of this review. Their first album Bleach, released in 1989 by Sub Pop Records. Bleach has always personally fascinated me because it’s a look at Nirvana before they blew up and changed rock music, it’s a look at Nirvana before “Smells Like Teen Spirit” came along and changed everything.

(Opinion Piece) The Consequences of COVID

I fear that we are becoming a faceless society. For safety reasons we need to be that in the public, I’m well aware of some concerns others have. I could offer a political dissertation on this but that is not the reason for the opinion piece. My concern is that we are losing our humanity!

If we abide by the request of health and Government officials we are wearing masks and socially distancing best as we can. Some masks I have found to be borderline offensive but to each their own. As long it the mask does not promote a degenerate aspect of society, racism;bigotry, hate, supremacy…. I do not care what the mask is like.

But think for a minute what we lose by doing this,

We miss the smiles of others that once warmed our hearts.
The dimples, the freckles, the frowns (and lines for those old as I am!) -and smirks that make other personalities unique to them! We do not see the smile, or the hurt, behind the mask any more than we can see the hurt behind the smile of a clown at a circus!

We no longer SEE the word as it leaves the lips of a person! How cruel is that? Now please think of that for a second as the same word can be said many ways! That is the same word, as it forms on our lips is different.

We never communicated via signs with ears so all that is left is eyes. Now I will be the first to say they are the window to the soul and possibly the feature we are MOST drawn to FIRST in another! Why? We want to see the purity of their soul. A tainted soul? No one wants that person.

And yet the eyes only work in conjunction with the rest of the face. A face that is now hidden for precautionary reasons.

Just think for a moment how disheartening this is.

The man at the gas station whose always had a nice smile for you ? Gone
The women at the pharmacy whose face lit up when she saw you ? Gone.
Timmy, the 13 year old that lives across the street and who has the sweetest dimples? Gone
The grocery store workers you have grown accustomed to over the years? They are faceless like everyone else. like you!

We have lost….our humanity. What makes us human to another.

Still not convinced. Still just think this is no more than the mad ramblings of an old women half off her rocker who forget her last medication? Then consider this:

Not only are we becoming faceless humans but we have also lost the healing powers of touch!

Touch is possibly the most powerful healing deice we can offer another. It is a gift we not cannot give.

As we follow social distancing guidelines we find that we can no longer shake hands.

Offer pats on the back for a compliment or as encouragement.

We can no longer HUG another!!! REALLY HUG ANOTHER!!!. This sweet intimacy once shared by friends can no longer be had. This is leading to people who are not emotionally drained with no recourse!

The check to cheek air kisses between women-and even among men–gone with the COVID.

The closeness of putting a hand on a shoulder that said “I understand your pain and I’m here for you. I want to help”

Gone.

So are the shoulders we once had to cry on! And we have all done that at one time or another,

I submit to you, dear reader, that we ARE slowly losing our humanity. That which makes us real, unique,special, and perhaps VITAL to others. I find this the most tragic effect of COVID so far!

And I know with certainty that there are many who are one emotional fall away from ending it all…….I do not speak of me but of others far worst off than me or perhaps you. They seek reaffirming faces and see only masks. They look for smiles–there aren’t any.

They look for that ONE person they can reach out to and whose touch who may ease their pain-if only temporally.

That person…….that touch…..

……never comes. It can;t!

We are the victims of something we cannot control’ and that we could never imagine. COVID is the albatross and we are but ancient mariners of life.

And I fear that if this continues….

….we are headed down a destructive path for humankind.

—Alexis Zinovenko 8/7/2020 Reprinted for private use and any copying without my approval is not permitted.

Pride of Somerset County

 

Yes I AM very proud of what I have done!!!! But I still need donations.  Now–those besides @start3rpack know what i look like!

And I need a graphic artiest and/or web page designer-as I need new fliers and  a redesigned web page that will be maintained. I do NOT have much to spend on that!

https://www.dailyamerican.com/news/local/somerset/upmc-donates-to-pride-of-somerset-county/article_6a731d50-d33b-11ea-ae4c-0faf60a4097a.html?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=user-share&fbclid=IwAR1_vx4VMWEjnyxOYjlBS6CV5fdVdfrwUQOI-G6WXu4JVRt0rXZ6DaRKyCo

 

To donate directly to the group that collects our funds see the link below.

 

Pride of Somerset County Fund

And the 2019 Fallout 76 award goes to…….

Ok–before we get ahead of ourselves I know a few are asking “what the fuck is a “fallout 76″ award? And why, in mid 2020, are we issuing a award for last year”? Those are valid questions and concerns and I can see you trying to scrutinize my face trying to look for a clue.

How many of you remember the Bethesda Press conference from 2018 at E3? Let’s see a raise of hands please….20-40–6–no 80–Ok about 85% of the audience remember’s that. As you should.

As you should in that it was almost a perfect display of what and how a presentation should be. ( I give – points for Pete Hines being there and part of it as he is just an top tier asshole!) I wrote of it here. I said Todd Howard is the new Jack Trenton, the man who so flawlessly presented Sony’s PC for years! It was near perfect, in execution, in timing, in delivery, in humor, and in coolness! Google Alaxa playing Skyrim was brilliant.

And yet, as we look back at that Conference now and realize the lies that were told, and repeated in interviews after the event, then told again that our opinion of that presentation sours and we are left with a bad taste in our mouths. Cool leather jacket or not!

And that brings us to Fallout 76!!! The most disastrous game of 2018 and more than likely 2019 as it was still bring pushed on a unassuming audience as being of worth! I often think of the “lipstick on a pig” analogy when I think of it. Bethesda can market it in a pink, violet, aqua, lavender or purple box and the content inside is still shit! The gamer has been suckered into buying pink rubbish!

So—-what gets the Fallout 76 award for “Most hyped and most disappointing and under performing game of 2019”? (besides –well…you know)

This is an award we can only offer in hindsight after we have got to play or experience the game. And TBH not many disappointed on that level!

Lets start with Rage 2-a game I said would fail and fail badly. That I repeated all over fuse, twitter, and tumblr. Not only was it the game that Pete Hines introduced (that should say something!) but they use a AndrewWK song intro to it that was 6 YEARS OLD! Many disagreed with my assessment-even on here saying ” it was NOT Bethesda” . I know that but it makes no fucking difference, their name is on the box and not all buyers are avid gamers. It had a two goods weeks, a nice short run and then–where was it? Where was the hype,, the excitement, the videos lauding it???? I’m waiting……………………………………..

Ok-there just was none and that game was the sacrificial lamb that failed BECAUSE OF FALLOUT 76!!!

Next is Bloodstained–a lovely Castlevania remake of sorts. This irritated me as it reinforced to me that many gamers are no more than haters, bigots, misogynists, and homo and transphobes. Heaven forbid a game should have female characters that used to be men! Maybe if the industry since it inception in 1978 had been fair to women and in every aspect we would not have this shit we have now. But it failed because of the bigots, haters and so on. If that hits too close home I’m sorry but I don’t fucking care.

I’d love to see Cloud and Barrett as females and Tifa and Aerith as males! THAT–I’d actually buy! This money grabbing remake?? No way!!

And while there is another that fits this category I’m leaving it our as it does not quite meet all the criteria.

So…was it Nioh2?? The Surge 2??? Elder Scrolls Online Elsweyr? What about Dollhouse and Left Alive? Anthem? Many expected something else…

No–the winner by far is ………………………….@start3rpack cue the trumpets, @matastig get the dancing girls on stage.. @brendonc88 make sure the wine coolers are avails for celebration.

BORDERLANDS3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing else comes close to this embarrassment! Everything, except for the guns and the handling, the feel and sound of them is wrong. Yes there is interplanetary travel and that is cool but I can do that in The Outer Worlds.

7 years have passed between Borderlands 2 and this embarrassment. THIS—is the best they can do??? Are you fucking kidding me?? Ans stop-I’m not blaming Randy Pitchford for this–not entirely-this was a fuckup by the entire staff of gearbox.

I would love to wrote of all the things that are crap about this game but I’m not Syler and I’m not going to ruin it for you. But if you go into it expecting what borderlands 1 and 2 were you will be greatly disappointed! If yuo expect FUN–abnd a coll run and gun game–this is NOT it! This release will NOT last in popularity as the previous game did. FFS–the DLC is even ADVERTISED in the game!!!

I’ve seen some post 90 minute vids of all that is wrong with this game, I’m not watching them but they are there.

If you just played the demo the fine. Leave it at that and have a good memory of it. If not just give me your $70 dollars.

I have a box of matches that can burn your money just as easily as you would by buying this–the 2019 Fallout 76 piece of utter crap winner.

FUSE Interview with Red Blade Games, Dystopia: After Civilization

I’ve interviewed with Red Blade before, but that was back when the game was a small child, now it’s an adult at the moment, showing more and more progress as it goes along. I’ve been following them since then and I thought I’d interview them a second time to see what they’d like to tell us and show. Please welcome Red Blade once more as we dive in some deep waters of their game Dystopia After Civilization.

Okay, I asked this last time, but since that was several months ago, are you planning on keeping the name Dystopia: After Civilization as the final title? If not, what would you like to call your game? 

Yes, we are planning to keep the name Dystopia – After Civilization.

Dystopia is nearing its first demo release and your visions are coming together nicely, when do you think the game will be nearing the final release? 

Gaming Journal 4/11/20

Has it been a minute? Yes…yes it has. It has been an interesting few weeks…or has it been months? I really can’t keep track of anything at the moment, but anyways I hope you have all been good and I figured I would take a quick opportunity to write!

First, work has been exceedingly strange. Seeing how, according to the internet, I basically work at the EA of retailers it should come as no surprise that GameStop has been in the news lately for plenty of negative reasons. In all honesty though, I at least cannot complain at the fact that I still have a job while many MANY others are losing it and suffering far worse than myself. Hours are poor and our entire store is essentially run by two people, but I do at least have an income. Between school, work, and life I have struggled to find a good balance, but I am making it. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

Now, on to the good stuff. You may all remember how extremely pumped I was to play Doom Eternal. I still am pumped for the game, but the week before it came out I ended up grabbing Nioh 2 because I had some buddies playing it. WOW was this game a shocker for me. I enjoyed the original Nioh plenty, but I never did finish it and I ran out of steam with the game because something else preoccupied my time before I could get to the end. The beginning of Nioh 2 had me feeling a bit…annoyed? The game is far more difficult than the first for single player, at least a lot more so than I remembered it being. I was losing interest in Nioh 2 quickly, but then we discovered Expedition mode.

Expedition mode is essentially a cross between Nioh and Borderlands. In expedition you and up to 2 teammates share one big health bar. That health bar will be depleted any time one of you dies. When someone dies, a chunk of that health bar begins to slowly drain, and a players soul drops to the ground. The player can self revive for the full penalty of losing a chunk of the health bar, or another player can revive them before that portion of the bar fully depletes. Another cool thing about Expedition is that anyone who hasn’t completed whatever mission you are on gets credit in their game for completing it. It is a very cool mechanic and it works well.

Of course, having such a sweet deal for multiplayer doesn’t come without its downsides. If that team health bar fully depletes it is a total wipe and the mission must be restarted from the very beginning. This works differently in single player, where when you die you start back at the last shrine you rested at and any shortcuts remain unlocked. In addition to this, enemies are scaled much more difficult in Expedition. Still though, having three people is just a huge help and simply more fun unless you really want a serious challenge.

The weapons in Nioh 2 are one of its greatest assets. There are 8 in total and there are perks for leveling specific character skills based around your weapon of choice. The weapons basically range from heavy, slow, and powerful to light, fast, and weak. There of course are trade-offs for each, but I have always been a one hit wonder kind of player so I prefer the heavy and powerful weapons. The game also has magic and ninjutsu to learn and they range from buffs and de-buffs to projectiles. There are also different types of elemental damage as well as poison and stuns.

I related the game to Borderlands earlier because the game is heavily influenced by loot. Every weapon, piece of gear, and accessory has a rarity and different stat boosts. Gear has three weight classes and there are even gear sets with perks the more pieces of the set you have equipped. This is honestly my least favorite part of the game because I hate grinding for things that there is only a CHANCE of obtaining. It is the reason I love Dark Souls so much. If you want gear or weapons in that game you simply do what you have to in order to obtain it. I hate having to do a mission multiple times just to have a CHANCE of getting what I want. I also hate how looter games make you spend an absurd amount of time in menus just so I can compare every single thing I have picked up and painfully decide which has the slightly better stats to use for my build…anyways…moving on.

Finally, one of the coolest parts of the game is that every Yokai you kill has a chance to drop its soul, even the bosses. That soul can then be equipped and you get special abilities to use based on that Yokai. Some give you a brute force attack, others give you ranged spells and some even give a magic AOE. They are fun to use and experiment with and they gave me some fond memories of Bloodstained.

I am happy to say I finished Nioh 2 and it was a hell of a ride. The story was nothing to bother writing about, but the game is well worth your time, especially if you can get a crew together to run through it with. Plus when you beat the game they make NG+ worth your time by adding a newly unlocked rarity to all weapons and gear. Even I am considering playing through a second time so I can see how much better my character can become. Before I bother with that though, it is finally TIME FOR DOOM!

I have been playing the game off and on, but before writing about Doom Eternal I think I will wait until I see the credits roll. I have also been checking out the Switch demo for Bravely Default II so maybe when I finish that I will give my thoughts on it as well. Hope you all are staying safe and making it through the pandemic alright! Til next time!

I’m gonna cheer you all up in a minute …hehe

So the Coronavirus huh? It’s getting worse!  although do you still remember  history class?

 

This shit happened before right after WW1 in 1918 to be exact. It killed over 20 million people around the world (500 million were infected something around 80% of the population  ) all in just TWO YEARS!

Back then they used to call it the Spanish Flu! today we call it COVID-19 or Spanish Flu Version 2.2  same old shit huh? well….. some are blaming it on the Chinese some on the US..and some believes it’s non other the almighty GOD ….i say

THEY’RE TESTING US!!!

And those who survives ….will be eligible to participate and move on to the next round lol

The 20 Best OST’S (in YOUR Opinion!)

Hello Boys and girls. This is yer old pal Stinky Whistle teeth. This is a song about a whale.

NOOOOOO!! It a song about being happy! It’s the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

Er…No it’s not but now that I have that visual in your head let”s move on.

It is a music post and it’s time we revisited this. Before I had asked “what were you top 5 OST’s” and FUSE went nuts with @matastig trying to list EVERY FF game as One! That was not the point. @drifter80 stop laughing you did the same with Dragon Warrior!

So now you get 20..And to some that will be easy. Others take a few days to be sure your  reply is correct because we can’t change it once you post it.

I’ll post ten on mine now and the other ten in a day or two. Notice I said OST and not popular  music   selections. Fallout 3 and 4 have a very good OST and neither festure any radio songs –or any songs with words -in them. Those are two different soundtracks.

If pop music is is part of the OST as in Persona and TWEWY then that is fine.

@matastig This applies to BIOSHOCK as well.

My first 10 in no order—

Nier (PS3)

Blue Reflection

Persona 3 FES

Morrowind

The World Ends With You

Chrono Trigger

Folklore

Eternal Sonata

Final Fantasy VI

Lemmings (SNES)

Yes Lemmings..Who could forget the fun and innovative music that kept us hooked to the game. That was 27 years ago!!! I would turn it on and let the Main Theme play over and over.. Not to mention stages far easier than where I wanted to be just to hear the music.

Many say the SNES has the best music and i agree.

 

 

Ok. My first 10. Just to get you motivated. See you in a few when I shall complete this.  (thinks to self: FF Mystic Quest had some great music to it….hmmm)